He Said, She Said

Topic: He Said, She Said

Purpose: Promote Understanding

Why is it that men and women are so different?  Why is it when a bunch of guys go out, they can all just throw a $20 on the table and call it a day, but women are counting out pennies to pay the bill?  Clearly we’re wired differently.  Men are definitely not better or higher ranking than women and women are not better or higher ranking than men, but I think you’re living under a rock if you think we’re not different.

Let’s say a guy walks up to another guy and asks him if he wants to go out and get a pepsi after work, how does he respond?  This doesn’t take much thought really.  A guy is simple.  He simply takes about 30 seconds to a minute to evaluate a few things in his head:

-          Do I really want to go have a pepsi with this guy?

-          Am I going to have to create conversation with him?

-          Will this advance my career in some way?

-          How long will this last?

-          Is my wife going to be pissed if I do it?

-          Am I too tired for this?

After pondering all of these things for a minute or two, he will do an overall evaluation and make a final decision of yes or no, the end.

Now, does a woman work like this as well?  

Not a chance.  Women are much more complicated. 

For example, let’s say we have a happily married couple.  Nobody specific, just a random couple.  Just so we can assign names to them, let’s call them Nick and Tiffany, ok?

Day 1:

One day on a nice September day, Nick and Tiffany are driving in the car talking, and Nick says:

“Hey Tiffany, what would you think if we hosted both of our families at our house for Thanksgiving this year?”

Tiffany then quickly snaps back with: “I’m NOT hosting thanksgiving at our house!”  Then for the next 10 minutes, she’s quiet and seems upset.

What just happened here?  This is what is known as the

Emotional Reaction

You see, Tiffany isn’t even thinking about Thanksgiving at all.  She is actually pissed at Nick for being completely rude and insensitive.  In her mind, she’s thinking: What is he thinking?  Does he just think I have nothing better to do with my time than prepare a giant meal and host a whole group of people?  Does he just think I sit at home all day and watch TV while he’s at work?  Maybe if he would get off the couch once in a while and help me wash the dishes and clean this house, I may have more time to do something like this.  I slave all day long keeping this house clean and taking care of his kids.

Day 2:

The next day, Nick come up to Tiffany and says: “So you don’t want to host for Thanksgiving, right?”

Tiffany says: “If you want us to host for Thanksgiving, then let’s host.” (insert eye-roll and deep breath here)

Now, this is critical time for Nick.  If he says what he’s thinking, which is “why do you keep changing your mind?”, it will spark another emotional reaction.  You don’t want that!  See, the reality is, Tiffany hasn’t changed at all, she has merely activated

The Mind

At this point, she is just thinking through the feasibility of the whole situation.  How am I supposed to fit 16 people in this tiny house?  I mean, on my side, I have my parents, my aunts, and Brianna and Bill, and on Nick’s side, we have his parents, his sisters Anna, Sherri and Kelley and their husbands and boyfriends, and Tim and Joslyn and their kids.  How would they all fit?  Plus, our oven is not big enough to cook all the food for everyone.  I’m not sure how all of this would even work.

Day 3:

Nick walks up to Tiffany and says: “So, what do you want to do for Thanksgiving then?”

Tiffany responds with: “I thought you said we were hosting both of our families at our house?”

What?  If Nick doesn’t know better at this point, he would just think she’s insane!  Clearly he never made that decision!!  No, This is just the final piece from Tiffany, it’s her

Will

This is the time where Tiffany is expressing what she actually wants.  In her mind, she’s thinking:  It would be nice to have everyone in 1 place for Thanksgiving.  It would probably make both families happy.  Plus, I like to play house all the time growing up, and this is like playing for real.  This could actually be pretty fun!  I think I may want to do this.

Day 4:

Now, this is the critical point for Nick!!  Hopefully he was paying attention to Tiffany over the past 3 days!!  This is the day that Tiffany says:

“So Nick, what are we doing for Thanksgiving this year?  Are we hosting the families or not?”

Nick’s job at this point is to go through all of the reasoning in Tiffany’s head over the past 3 days and make that final decision!!  And hopefully he makes the right one too, because the reality is this:

Whatever goes wrong with the process of hosting for thanksgiving will be Nick’s fault!!  Because he’s the one who made the decision!!

And whatever goes right will be credited to Tiffany, which, if you really think about it, really isn’t too bad!!  Because, as we ALL know:

When the Mom is happy, the Family is happy!!!

THINK!