True Love

When I was young, I often thought about what kind of girl I might marry one day.  All kinds of questions went through my mind:

-          Will I ever find a girl?

-          Will she stick with me?

-          Can I really get a hot one?

-          Will we fight a lot?

-          Will she take away my snowmobiling?

-          Will she be a good mom?

Now, honestly, there’s no way you could ever have all of these things in 1 single woman, right?

Wrong!

10 years ago, that woman found me.  You want to know how she hooked me initially?  If you’re thinking that guys will spot you because you’re nice, or because you have a good job, or because you comb your hair a certain way, or because you drive a nice car, etc….you’re really full of crap!!  All you gotta do is come into work one day with a tight red polo shirt and some khakis!!  BAM, I’m hooked!!  We’re really simple creatures.

Now, how was I able to keep her around until she agreed to marry me?  This was the tricky part!!  I had to fake that I was mature for a long long time before she finally got the point where she decided it was too much work to start all over again, so she might as well stick with me!!  I have to say, I did a pretty good job of this at the time!!!

7 Years ago tomorrow, I married this woman, and let me tell you a few things that I learned.  First, I soon discovered that my list of things I was looking for in a woman was just the basics of what this woman brought to the table.  She is extremely smart and tries her best to keep me in line.  She has made 2 of the greatest little girls I could ever imagine.  She is the greatest mom to those 2 little girls in the whole world!!  At the same time, she is able to start an operate an extremely successful business.  And if that wasn’t enough, she is the greatest wife on the planet to me!!

Steph, after 7 years of laughing, crying, and doing life together, I want you to know that I love you more than ever!!  You are truly the greatest thing God has ever brought my way, and I do not deserve what you have brought to the table in this relationship!  We are not the ideal perfect marriage, but I love us just the way we are with all of our flaws! 

Happy 7^th Anniversary Steph!  I love you now and forever!

…and I could not ask for more

-Rick

He Said, She Said

Topic: He Said, She Said

Purpose: Promote Understanding

Why is it that men and women are so different?  Why is it when a bunch of guys go out, they can all just throw a $20 on the table and call it a day, but women are counting out pennies to pay the bill?  Clearly we’re wired differently.  Men are definitely not better or higher ranking than women and women are not better or higher ranking than men, but I think you’re living under a rock if you think we’re not different.

Let’s say a guy walks up to another guy and asks him if he wants to go out and get a pepsi after work, how does he respond?  This doesn’t take much thought really.  A guy is simple.  He simply takes about 30 seconds to a minute to evaluate a few things in his head:

-          Do I really want to go have a pepsi with this guy?

-          Am I going to have to create conversation with him?

-          Will this advance my career in some way?

-          How long will this last?

-          Is my wife going to be pissed if I do it?

-          Am I too tired for this?

After pondering all of these things for a minute or two, he will do an overall evaluation and make a final decision of yes or no, the end.

Now, does a woman work like this as well?  

Not a chance.  Women are much more complicated. 

For example, let’s say we have a happily married couple.  Nobody specific, just a random couple.  Just so we can assign names to them, let’s call them Nick and Tiffany, ok?

Day 1:

One day on a nice September day, Nick and Tiffany are driving in the car talking, and Nick says:

“Hey Tiffany, what would you think if we hosted both of our families at our house for Thanksgiving this year?”

Tiffany then quickly snaps back with: “I’m NOT hosting thanksgiving at our house!”  Then for the next 10 minutes, she’s quiet and seems upset.

What just happened here?  This is what is known as the

Emotional Reaction

You see, Tiffany isn’t even thinking about Thanksgiving at all.  She is actually pissed at Nick for being completely rude and insensitive.  In her mind, she’s thinking: What is he thinking?  Does he just think I have nothing better to do with my time than prepare a giant meal and host a whole group of people?  Does he just think I sit at home all day and watch TV while he’s at work?  Maybe if he would get off the couch once in a while and help me wash the dishes and clean this house, I may have more time to do something like this.  I slave all day long keeping this house clean and taking care of his kids.

Day 2:

The next day, Nick come up to Tiffany and says: “So you don’t want to host for Thanksgiving, right?”

Tiffany says: “If you want us to host for Thanksgiving, then let’s host.” (insert eye-roll and deep breath here)

Now, this is critical time for Nick.  If he says what he’s thinking, which is “why do you keep changing your mind?”, it will spark another emotional reaction.  You don’t want that!  See, the reality is, Tiffany hasn’t changed at all, she has merely activated

The Mind

At this point, she is just thinking through the feasibility of the whole situation.  How am I supposed to fit 16 people in this tiny house?  I mean, on my side, I have my parents, my aunts, and Brianna and Bill, and on Nick’s side, we have his parents, his sisters Anna, Sherri and Kelley and their husbands and boyfriends, and Tim and Joslyn and their kids.  How would they all fit?  Plus, our oven is not big enough to cook all the food for everyone.  I’m not sure how all of this would even work.

Day 3:

Nick walks up to Tiffany and says: “So, what do you want to do for Thanksgiving then?”

Tiffany responds with: “I thought you said we were hosting both of our families at our house?”

What?  If Nick doesn’t know better at this point, he would just think she’s insane!  Clearly he never made that decision!!  No, This is just the final piece from Tiffany, it’s her

Will

This is the time where Tiffany is expressing what she actually wants.  In her mind, she’s thinking:  It would be nice to have everyone in 1 place for Thanksgiving.  It would probably make both families happy.  Plus, I like to play house all the time growing up, and this is like playing for real.  This could actually be pretty fun!  I think I may want to do this.

Day 4:

Now, this is the critical point for Nick!!  Hopefully he was paying attention to Tiffany over the past 3 days!!  This is the day that Tiffany says:

“So Nick, what are we doing for Thanksgiving this year?  Are we hosting the families or not?”

Nick’s job at this point is to go through all of the reasoning in Tiffany’s head over the past 3 days and make that final decision!!  And hopefully he makes the right one too, because the reality is this:

Whatever goes wrong with the process of hosting for thanksgiving will be Nick’s fault!!  Because he’s the one who made the decision!!

And whatever goes right will be credited to Tiffany, which, if you really think about it, really isn’t too bad!!  Because, as we ALL know:

When the Mom is happy, the Family is happy!!!

THINK!

U-Scan

Title: U-Scan
Purpose: Expose Non-Independent Thought

How many people think the U-Scan was the greatest invention in the world?  I personally love it as a means to avoid a couple things that I just hate about shopping:

- Social Butterfly: why should I have to be sociable when they’re ringing me up?  The person who is ringing me up just feels the need to ask how I’m doing because it’s what they always do.  Do they really want to know how I’m doing?  NO!!  They don’t really care about how I’m doing or what I’m doing!!!  Just as much as I do not want to find a way to calculate how long it’s going to take them to ring me up, so I can figure out how long I’m going to have to drag on a fake conversation until I can leave.  To make it worse, with some, I have to also calculate the additional down time for when they stop ringing me up for the purpose of having the conversation.  Really?  I’m here primarily to buy stuff.  I’m ok with the silence while they ring me up!!

- The Awkward Buy:  How do you buy an embarrassing product all on its own.  Don’t tell me you can just put a whole big jug of miralax on the conveyer belt by itself!!  You can’t.  You can just see the weird look the cashier gives you when you drop it on the counter for her to ring up.  No way.  So what do you do?  You do the same thing I do, admit it!!  You go get a few 2-liters of pepsi, a few candy bars, and a half gallon of ice cream to distract from the sole purpose of being at the store to buy that big jug of miralax!!

For these reasons among others, the U-Scan has saved my life!!!  Genius idea.  BUT, is the U-Scan for everyone?  Are you qualified to use the U-Scan?  let me give you a couple categories of people who I believe are truly NOT qualified to be using this amazing new technology:

- 12 Items or less: If you have to take your shoes off to count to 12, you do not belong in the U-Scan lane.  Seriously, it’s supposed to be a Quick and Efficient checkout method.  Listen to me:  if you have to start emptying the scale back into your cart before you’ve finished emptying your cart onto the scanner, you probably have more than 12 items, and you do not belong in the U-Scan lane!  So, if you find yourself in this situation, please do this:  1) put your items back into your cart, 2) push the cancel transaction button on the screen, 3) smack yourself in the face, and 4) go get in the regular line where the nice lady can ring you up in the more traditional method!

- Payment: When you’re all done scanning your items and it comes time to decide your payment method, on what planet do you think it’s ok to write a check at the U-Scan?  You realize that you’ve only scanned 4 items, right?  (If not, please see previous item)  Now, the ONLY cashier managing 6 U-Scan stations has to stop everything she’s doing and attend to you to help you pay with your check.  Almost as bad is the person paying cash.  I mean, seriously, who even uses cash anymore either?  If you must pay cash, please do not sort through your purse or wallet so that you can find the exact change after putting 8 crinkled $1 bills individually into the machine.  If you’re going to pay with cash, a single bill large enough to pay the total should be the only acceptable method here.  But, my recommendation is:  Swipe the card!  You’re in the 21st century now and nobody uses cash!!

- The line: Ok, for those who clearly do not know, the line at the U-scan works a little differently than most lines.  There is a GIANT sign in the middle of the U-Scan area that says “wait here for next U-Scan.”  What that means is this:  You should wait in a single formation line behind that sign, and when the next U-Scan opens up, the next in line goes to that machine.  It just kills me when I’m standing just behind the sign waiting for the next U-Scan to open up, and clearly someone else walks up and gives some kind of impression that they’re waiting behind 1 specific U-Scan.  Really?   Can you not see the giant sign in front of me?  The problem is, they leave just enough space to question the fact about whether or not they are in line.  So what am I supposed to do?  Say excuse me and ask them if they THINK they’re in line?  You can’t do that.  So you just stand there, and all you think about, as much as you try to fight it, is the nerve of that person to stand there thinking they are in line when they’re not.   You know you also can’t make any eye contact with them because that will start the conversation.  So after the 30 seconds that felt like 10 minutes, the person leaves the U-Scan, leaving the opening, in which case, fuming, you pretend you don’t know who is next by turning to the person there and saying, “oh, were you next?”  Seriously, if you don’t know how to properly stand in line at the U-Scan, you don’t belong there!!  There’s someone at the regular checkout just waiting to start a life-changing conversation with you.

If you think you may fall into any of these categories, then the designed intent purpose of the U-Scan was not made for you!!  It is for people like you that the stores continue to keep the REGULAR checkout lanes in full operation!!

So, Please, use them!!

THINK!

Chip

Title: Chip

Purpose: Promote Independent Thought

                How do you stop “terrorism”?   These guys who suicide bomb themselves into a million pieces are doing this because they truly believe they will have 72 virgins waiting for them after they die.  You think you can really convince them of anything otherwise? 

                How do you bring peace to the middle east?  You have 2 groups of people, both originating from a man who was promised by God that this “Holy Land” belongs to them.  You really think you’re going to convince them that it belongs to only 1 of them?  Do you really think one day they will ever compromise? 

No way.

So what is the solution? 

The solution is my friend chip!

Today, the technology already exists to implant microscopic microchips under the surface of the skin that will enable all kinds of cool things.  We’ve been hearing this all over the news:

• Money system – We already do this with credit cards today…it’s not much difference.  We already use NFC and fast-pass to pay for everything.  I use cash probably 1 time per month.  So why carry a wallet around when I can have everything stored on an embedded chip?

• Tracking – a GPS device can easily be incorporated into this chip so that you can use yourself as a GPS device.  We do it today using Google Latitude all the time using the GPS chip in our phones.

• Health Monitor – Today, you can read about how soldiers and pets can be monitored for fever, heart rate, and all kinds of things remotely by using an embedded chip.

• Controlling outside objects – if you search, you can find very preliminary news about how advanced technical robotics have found a way to allow someone’s brain to control a third party device by using an embedded microchip under the skin and through a computer.  Freaking cool!  Imagine the prosthetics that could come from this.

So, you’re probably wondering, what does this have to do with bringing peace to the world? 

Nothing….YET.

 

What I’ve told you is only today’s current technology.  It’s the future of this development that I believe will resolve this issue. 

Now, the following is only my theory, but I’m pretty sure this is coming, and sooner than you think.  The next step of the chip technology is:  Mind Control

One of today’s biggest issues that we all see on the news is the cost of health care and prescription drugs.  What is the purpose of many of these drugs that we take?  Many of them are used to mask or prevent pain, right?  How exactly do we feel pain?  Well, I’m not a doctor, but I’m fairly certain that pain is realized when the affected area sends a signal to the brain, telling the brain that something is wrong.  The brain then sends out a signal tell you that you feel pain, so you hurt.  Drugs are used to blur or cut off this communication to trick your brain into not realizing that pain exists at all.

                So, let’s say you just broke your wrist.  You’re sitting at the doctor hoping he can give you some drugs to dull the pain until you heal.  Well, what if instead of giving you drugs, the doctor could just plug you into a computer and install some software into your chip that will trick your brain into thinking that you actually don’t feel pain in your wrist?  He would setup the program so that it would expire after a designated amount of time, where your brain would return to its normal state.  Could you imagine the possibilities?

You’re probably thinking:  no way Rick, that’s too “big brother”.  Nobody would ever do it. 

Really?  We can say that now because we don’t need it.  But if we were sitting there in serious pain, we could not afford to buy the drugs to ease the pain, and the only option that was offered to us was to take this chip and use this program to eliminate the pain, any one of us would take it in a heartbeat.  Admit it, you would!

So what’s the next step after this?  Well, let’s pretend you’re the government, and your goal is to bring “world peace” across the globe and all of the compromising activities you’ve been doing over the past 30 years are simply not working, what do you do?  I believe they will look at this technology and say: this works to control the brain to eliminate pain, so why can’t this work to control other things that people think? 

Now, If you find a person whose goal in life is to bring peace to the earth, and you ask them what they believe the root cause is for all of the wars and fighting in the world, I’m pretty confident they would say the primary root cause for these issues is “organized religion”.  Am I wrong?  Some people reading this probably feel the same way.

So, the solution is simple, right?  The solution is to develop the software in the chip to remove “organized religion” completely from people’s thoughts, which will in turn stop the fighting altogether.

When the time comes, the “Peace Treaty” will be signed across the planet, bringing world peace, with the premise that the government can offer this chip to people they believe are a threat to peace as an option instead of taking the death penalty.

Now, I can guarantee that most people reading this right now will think I’m completely crazy, and there’s no way this will ever happen.

So all I have to tell you is:

Watch for the signs, because I’m telling you, I’m not far off!

THINK!